I hate 99%!!
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     Ya know.. if there's one thing I hated as a kid.. it was a grade of 99%
on a test.  I hated a 99 far more than a 98.. or 97.. or 95.. I'm sure a lot
of you can identify with me on this.  I mean.. it's rather discouraging to
get a 99 on a test.. cuz that means you were just *THAT* far away from a
perfect grade.  Unfortunately.. this way of looking at tests often flows
over into other parts of our lives.  Not that it's bad to want to do the
best you can on something.. but.. when it comes to some of the more
important areas, we must come to a realization that.. in fact, there *is* no
100% grade that we could ever get on any true test of life.
     One of the reasons why I've had so much trouble with 99's is because I
grew up in an educator family.  I was gifted in some areas in school -- so
much so that in 1st grade, a single friend and I were in special groups for
reading, math, and language, while the rest of the class went on at normal
pace.  From the very beginning.. I learned the blessings that came with
pleasing a teacher -- and those were the blessings I worked for.  I knew it
was "good" to do well in class.. and so I was always raising my hand with
the answer.. even correcting my own teachers at times.  However.. this
desire to do the best I could faltered at times.. and altogether fell outta
whack in my 10th grade year (for more detailed info on how, read the 'me'
link).  Yet still.. I had a lot going on within that little head of mine to
keep me in my "perfectionistic" state.  
     As well as the problems I had in class.. I had quite a few problems
family wise.  See.. due to a lot of factors, I was raised without any real
idea of how to communicate with others.  I didn't learn to talk about my
feelings.. my wants.. my desires.. etc.. at home.. we never did that.  All
we did was play games, do fun things, and work.  That was about it.  We
never got to any point of intimacy where we would share what was going on in
our hearts -- this was because neither of my parents seemed to gravitate
towards the idea of doing that.  My mother was quite outspoken about how
others treated her.. but she never talked about things by saying, "It hurts
when.. " or "it makes me sad when.." or "I feel happy when..".. we just
played games, had fun together, and grew up without any focus on
communication or caring about one another's feelings so much.  What little
caring we did was not spoken of directly.  And when it comes to my father..
well.. with him being the forceful person he was.. and with his habit of
spouting off huge bursts of anger at times.. I was way too scared to try and
get close to him... he was the only person I ever hated.. cuz of how
uncomfortable and belittled he made me feel.  I no longer hate him.. but.. I
still have troubles relating to him in light of how he lives his life.
     So.. as far as learning about how to communicate is concerned.. I was
rather feeble at best.. and didn't really know what to talk about.. where..
or why.. all I knew was to play games and have fun.. OH.. and do well in
school.  And.. as you might be able to guess.. due to my difficulties in
life.. with my parents and brother (more explained in 'me' link).. I became
perfectionistic in my desire to please someone.  Yet not completely so..
it's kinda hard to describe... but what I learned from my father's treatment
of me was, "If you do exceptional.. I expect it.. if you do average.. I'll
chasten you for it."  And that's what happened with me in school.. My dad
knew that I should do very well in school.. and so he really got on my case
when I did what would be considered average for most other people.  And
well.. this, as well as how harshly he treated me at times for doing little
to no wrong, convinced me that I had to work as hard as possible.. or I'd
get yelled at.  And God forbid that I got yelled at.. it hurt.  Still does
today.. basically because I'm not very calloused from all that's happened to
me.. I refuse to be.. I used to have quite an emotional shell.. but Jesus
helped get rid of that.. and now I feel very deeply -- which also means I
feel pain.. very deeply and soundly.  
     Anyway.. this is where it all took root.  I hated how my dad treated
me.. but I had no way out of it.. so I had to do my best or I'd get
whallopped... something that did happen (not physically) in senior year as I
focussed more on my schoolwork and less on helping him with his rental
houses.  Due to all of his yelling.. and all of the mistreatment by other
kids throughout the years.. I began to realize that.. I had to do extremely
well.. or else.
     Now.. here's where this really set in.  When I started to get to know
what Jesus really wanted of us.. I had no real idea that Jesus loved me -- I
may have heard people say it.. but I couldn't see how it could be true.  I
had very little knowledge of the Bible.. and since I was steered into a
church where I was misled and mistaught.. I got really confused fast... and
felt like I was a real loser.  Eventually when I began to find God.. the
real God.. on my own.. I found Him to be far more compassionate.. caring..
sensitive.. and humble... than the people who claimed to know Him.  A lot of
people out there claim to be Christians.. but they sure don't act like the
God I've gotten to know personally.  They may be pastors.. but they seem to
be rather misled or confused as to what the truth about Jesus really is --
they have perhaps grown up in church and learned the basics of doctrine..
but often, they are lacking in knowing the real God out there.  Of course..
a lot of the problem seems to stem from the fact that.. depending on what
church you go to, you might get a totally different gospel than the one
you've heard before.  Even across the street from each other.. two churches
might have two totally opposing ideas about what God has really said in the
Bible.  So why is this?
     Well.. it's purty simple.. it comes from carnality -- fleshlyness --
spending too much effort on being worldly and too little effort on becoming
Godly.  Oh few would admit it.. but the Bible, itself, says that if we are
in disagreement with each other over doctrines of Christ.. then it stems
from this very thing.  No.. there are NOT multiple correct ways of
interpreting the words of Christ.. though many might believe this.  There is
one.. one correct interpretation of Scripture (check out 1 and 2Timothy)..
and few people are willing to listen to it.  Why?  Very simple.. it's
because.. often.. the pain of interpreting the truth to be what it really is
is used as an excuse to retain false doctrine.  A person remains in his/her
idea of false reality.. simply because the truth is far more painful to
accept.. and seems to be inadequate in areas.. or too overwhelming in
others.  So.. as a result.. they hold tight to what seems more plausible to
their worldly mind.. and refuse to take the leap of faith God calls for in
accepting what is truly "the truth."
     Anyway.. back to the "Christians" I met.  They were often joyous on
the outside.. but rather impersonal on the inside -- or if they *were*
willing to get close to you.. they'd judge you at the drop of a hat.  Far
more likely was the fact that.. they'd be wrong about their ideas of God..
but because I was confused about what was true and what wasn't.. I began to
think that my walk with God stunk.. and that I wasn't hearing from God.. but
that I was hearing from some hugely compassionate spirit.. or maybe even
figmentation of my own mind.  But how could something so compassionate and
so truly leading help me find the truth?  This was what was causing me the
most problems.  See.. I knew that God was more compassionate than anyone
else.. more loving.. more willing to care.. but.. I didn't know Him well
enough to realize that He was also more tender and more sensitive.. and more
humble.  Of course.. I didn't always hear these voices that seemed to be
from God very clearly either... I got to a point where, at times, I'd hear
what I wanted to hear.. so that I could get away with my own disobedience.
I loved to disobey.. and so... somehow.. my mind would allow what sounded
like God's voice to say what I wanted it to say -- whereas the Bible, had I
been spending more time in it, would not have misled me so.  Yet.. there is
something I am also learning today which I must share.
     One thing I learned about the Bible, just in the past few days.. is
that the Bible is merely a means of getting to know God.  It is the best
example of God's Word we have in print.. and so, it's more than adequate to
getting us started along our journey to knowing Him.  But.. as many of you
can guess.. there's more to a walk with God than simply reading the Bible.
First off.. one needs to know where to apply the Bible to one's own life..
and just what to do with the knowledge and instruction it gives -- not to
mention finding out what it is truly saying.. and that, of course, comes
from the Holy Spirit.  Without the Spirit's help.. we can't have a hope of
understanding what the Bible truly is saying to us.. or where to apply it to
our lives today.. this instant even.  Without God's Spirit's help.. it's
like reading a bunch of text and taking down the meaning as we see fit...
not as God desires.  This is why many people see contradictions in the
Bible.. because they simply do not have the Holy Spirit's help to read what
is being said.
     But as i was saying.. the Bible... is a means of getting to know God..
and what He wants for our lives -- but it is not the *only* means.  One
thing that we do have to remember, though.. is that the Bible is the best
means we have access to.  A lot of people say that the Bible is inerrant..
I, myself, have a slight problem with that.  I have spent enough time in
different versions of the Bible to be able to notice quite a few differences
which make themselves known throughout the individual word-for-word vs
paraphrasical translations.  One of these has to do with the passage where
Jesus confronts Peter after being raised from the dead.  Most of us know
this passage well enough -- we remember how Peter denied Christ 3 times..
and we often think that this passage is simply where Jesus asks the same
question "Simon.. do you love me?".. However, if you get into the Greek, you
will notice that the words for "love" are different.. not only for the 3
times Jesus supposedly says "love".. but different in the words that Peter
uses vs the ones Jesus uses.  Yet I have not seen a translation to this day
that has two different words for "love".. maybe because English doesn't lend
itself well to different words for "love" like Greek does.  But I don't see
why the translators of the Bible would leave out this important fact simply
because they were looking to make a "word-for-word" translation as much as
possible.  So.. the big question.. is the Bible inerrant?  I would say that,
most likely.. the original texts in their original languages.. are, in fact,
inerrant.. however.. through the translation process.. some things have been
lost.. and I'm quite sure you'll find different discrepancies from text to
text if you really go looking.  
     Yet we need to realize this does not make the Bible a *bad* or even a
*poor* book.  I honestly do not know, myself, just how many more of these
"shifts due to translation" are present in our present-day English texts..
but I would be willing to entertain the idea that this is not the only one.
However.. I do know this.  The Bible.. Scripture.. *is*, in fact, inspired
by God, Himself.. and one can learn a great deal.. as these discrepancies
are rather few.  So.. time for a big question.. is it God's Word?  This one
I'm still working on.. I still haven't found a place that equates the
Scriptures to being God's Word.  But I'm still seeking.  I do know this
much.. the Scriptures *shall* lead you closer to God.. and are the best
example to learn from we have on the planet.  Yet as I mentioned earlier..
it is not the only one.  But using the Bible as a basis.. a substructure..
or even a benchmark/standard by which you grade other "Revelational
material" is at least highly, if not completely advised.  But there is still
a danger.. and this danger lies in our own blindness or refusal to hear what
God is actually saying.  And don't think I'm referring to just the average
joe on the street.  I mean anyone.. from Billy Graham to any other pastors..
to anyone on the planet.  We are human.. and can, for either of those
reasons (stubborness or blindness), make our own false interpretations about
what the Bible says... and this can lead us straight into making claims that
are simply untrue.  They may *seem* to be backed up by the Bible.. but one
needs to continually seek the truth of God as His Spirit wants us to see
it... as clear as possible.
     So.. what are we to do with the Bible?  Easy.. give it credit.. it
deserves probably the highest place in the world as far as literary works
and truth and learning the path to God is concerned.  But be leery of
reading your own interpretations into it.  And with regards to, as many
people say to, using it as the standard by which you judge other
revelations.. or writings.. you most likely will not go wrong if you choose
to do this.  It's almost a requirement that we have a standard *like* the
Bible in today's world where so many people are so far from the truth.. even
though they preach like they're experts... The real true standard is God's
Word.. and as I think I mentioned earlier.. the Bible *is*, at least, a
book where one can find God's Word.. throughout it.  It is probably the best
book for finding God's Word.  But one needs to know what it is truly
saying.. and not what one desires to read into it.  So.. basically.. use
it.. stand on it.. but know that there will be a few places that may need a
slightly better translation from version to version.. (some versions require
quite a bit more than a few).
     But back to what I started to say.. Yes.. "The Divine Library" as the
Bible can be called.. is a beautiful way to learn about God.. Yet.. it is
not the only way.  Now..  many of you will probably gawk at my previous
sentence.. thinking I'm some heretic.. but hear me out.  
     First off.. if you are under the notion that God refuses to speak to
His people today because after the Bible was written.. He stopped speaking..
have basically been misled into putting duct tape over your spiritual ears
and refusing to hear what He has to say to you unless it comes from the
Bible, itself.  Now... I don't know about you.. but.. if God spent thousands
of years speaking to prophets.. and to angels.. why would He all of a sudden
stop speaking.. and leave us on our own?  I know where your doctrine finds
its root.. and lemme tell you.. it's far from inerrant.  To say (as in 1 cor
13) that the Bible is the "perfect" that was meant to come.. is to say that
you see Jesus face to face.  Do you?  I don't.. I see through a glass
darkly.. I can't see all that He is.. nor can I see Him as He is.. all I can
see is what I see from His presence around me.  This does include the Bible,
but.. it is not limited to it.  
     You see.. God, like any father.. desires to be intimate with His kids..
He wants to get to know us intimately.  Oh granted.. He knows all there is
about us... but knowing all the facts about a person and knowing that person
are two completely different things.  Just like a person can get to know all
about God.. by spending hours in the Bible and learning the knowledge that
it has to give.. a person can also get to know God, Himself.. by interacting
with Him.  Now.. I won't say that it's easy to get to know the God of the
Universe.. I mean.. in this world.. which is ruled by satan.. we are often
misled as to what God really says and wants... However.. as is quoted
often.. "HE IS NOT SILENT"... and He wants to speak with you.  He wants all
of His children to get to know Him.. and He is calling to all the nations
that they would come to Him.  Communion is a very interesting term.. it's
funny that it's rarely used outside of the remembrance celebration of
Christ's supper.  Communion means a period in which two people interrelate
on the deepest level(s) possible.. and that's what God wants us to be
involved in doing.  
     Ok... one answer to a question that u might have had earlier.  Why are
so many preachers and pastors so misled?  It's simple.. because they spent
too little time getting to know God.. and too much time trying to get others
to know Him.  Think about it this way.  If you have a friend.. and want to
introduce your friend to someone else.. it's sometimes a good idea to tell
your new friend about your old.. best friend.  Well... what about this 'best
friend'.. It'd be reasonable to assume that.. if this truly *is* your best
friend.. you spend a lot of time with him and have gotten to know him very
well.. and so.. when you tell this new person about your best friend.. you
will have an accurate view of who you best friend is, what he's like.. and
what makes him happy or sad.  Unfortunately, there are a lot of people in
the world who claim to be on close terms with God.. but who have spent so
much time learning "doctrine".. that they have refused to get to know God.
They spent too much time getting to know *about* Him.. and too little time
getting to know Him *directly*.  Of course.. this goes for more than just
pastors.  There are a lot of people who are inspired by God's call through
Jesus to spread the Gospel to all nations.  But think of this.. before the
apostles were told the great commission.. there were two major things that
happened:  firstly.. they spent 3 years with Jesus.  They got to know what
He wanted.. where He went.. what He did.. and a bit of why He did it.  Far
more than a lot of pastors and preachers dare to today.  Of course.. many
pastors and preachers say that they did their best.. after all.. Jesus is
off in Heaven now.. and all we have is His Bible.. right?  Wrong.. Jesus is
in our hearts.. and the Holy Spirit is around us.. and living in us too..
and.. He is here to do what?  Lead us into all truth.. so we can learn more
than what is in the pages of the Bible.  We can learn about God.. the one
who loves us.. by communioning(communicating) with Him.  Secondly.. They
were clothed with power from on High.  The question then becomes.. when
should a pastor or preacher begin preaching or pastoring?  Well.. first
off.. He'd better know Jesus (or God.. they're a lot the same).. very well..
He'd better really know His heart.. and His character.. or he's going to
give off a poor impression of Jesus in his life.  Granted.. we all give off
imperfect impressions of who Jesus is.. but.. there's a difference between
an imperfect one.. and a poor one.  A poor one will mislead you.. and make
you confused.. whereas all people are going to be imperfect.  It comes down
to the willingness of a Christian to get to know God.. as his/her "BEST
FRIEND".. before he/she goes off and tells the world about Him.  
     Ok.. now where to next?  True communion.  This is the what God truly
desires of us.  He wants us to be open completely to His hand.. so that..
like soft clay.. we can be molded and shaped into what He desires.  But if
all we do is read the Bible... we aren't really letting God shape us.  The
second part of reading the Bible is applying it to our lives.  Again..
without the Spirit.. this is impossible.  But if we are truly willing to let
God rule.. then we will expose our hearts to Him.. every little nook and
cranny.. and let Him see that we trust Him to work on all of it.
     Now.. how do you know what God is saying to you when you read the Bible?
Most say.. "just read it.. it'll tell you.."  but it isn't an "it" who tells
you.. it's God's Spirit.  But.. of course.. we all hamper God's Spirit's
desires by choosing to listen to only what we want to hear.  
     Back a few years.. God taught me a little prayer.  I've since then
learned another.  These two tiny prayers are the key (if you pray and mean
them) to growing into who God truly wants you to be.

1) Daddie, please help me to see that which I need to see.. especially when
I don't want to see it.

2) Daddie.. if there are any beliefs in my heart that are not from you..
destroy them.. and let me see that they are not from you.. so that I may
cast them into the abyss.  Whatever is truly from you.. let me stand on ever
more strongly than before.  

     These two prayers are the crux of growing as a Christian.  We need to
be willing to see what we don't want to -- for often, the truth *is*
unpleasant.. and so, we need to be willing to see that which is unpleasant.
As well.. we need to be willing to let God take out of our lives everything
that doesn't belong there -- especially our beliefs.  For false belief is
what keeps us from walking as one Body in Christ.
     Ok.. back to communion.  Ever read the passage in the Bible about
Elijah and when he saw God, per se?  I am referring to the one with the
great wind.. earthquake... and fire.  If you recall.. God was not in any of
those.. but He was in the "still, small voice."  And that is one way God
communicates with us.  He will let us know what we are to do and where we
are to go.. if we are open to Him.. with a simple.. quiet.. nudge in our
heart.  At times.. the nudge may be actual words.. but often.. especially in
a person's first steps as a Christian.. it is simply a little nudge.. that
lets you know what God is saying.
     Now.. if you had a father you had never met.. and he was as good as God
is.. you'd want to get to know everything about Him.. right?  And spend as
much time as possible with Him.. right?  Well.. That's one thing God wants
too.. He wants us spending time with Him.  And of course.. the easiest way
to do this.. is prayer.
     Prayer is a little tool that a lot of people take too far.  It's very
easy to do.. and requires little effort on our part.. at least.. most of the
time.  It is when we communicate our heart to God.. and He does the same
with us.  That's right.. it's a conversation.  It goes two ways... from you
to God.. and.. from God to you.  Many people these days refuse to believe in
the "God to you" part.  Or at least, they believe that the only way God
will ever speak to you is in the Bible.  Hogwash.. and again I say..
Hogwash.  God will speak to you if you are willing to let Him.  But often..
since we are so distant from Him.. it takes awhile for us to hear what He
has to say.  As well.. since He wants us to continually press in to get to
know Him.. He may respond in many different ways -- such as through
circumstances.. or other people.. or the Bible.. or the Still small voice.
:)  But rest assured.. God will communicate what you need to know.. it's
just important that you follow the truth which is listed in Jeremiah 29:13
-- that is, of course, seek Him with all your heart.. for as this verse
says.. when we do.. He has guaranteed that we shall find Him.
     Ok.. back to our first question -- why 99%.. and what does it matter?
Well.. many of you have probably been through similar.. if not far worse
circumstances where.. due to upbringing.. and how you were treated by those
around you.. you started to believe that you need to work your hardest in
order to be worthwhile.  This is where it gets really tough.  Cuz often..
even with God.. you can start believing that you are a lowlife because you
can't seem to get a grip on a certain area of your life.. or that you sin a
lot in a certain area and can't get out immediately.. or at least.. are
having great difficulty.  I know I have felt this often.  Due to my own
areas of refusal to obey.. an addiction I've had for years.. I have often
felt like the world would be better off without me.. and that I was a being
who deserved all the hell and hatred he could get.
     Now.. I need to mention something.. It does say in the Bible that the
punishment for sin is death.. and that we are all sinners.  But we need to
realize that just because we are not worthy of life with God does not mean
we are worthless.  Let me restate that... Just because we are unworthy..
does not mean we are worthless.  It's like a little kid who wants to go on a
roller coaster at Six Flags.  This kid ends up not being tall enough to get
on the ride.  But the kid still has height.. he's just simply too short to
get on the ride.  That's kinda what it's like for us with Jesus.. the only
difference is.. we can't surmount the gap between us and Christ.. between
our sin and God's righteousness.  Yet just because we are unrighteous..
doesn't make us worthless.  I have often gone through this argument with
myself and God.. feeling totally worthless because I sinned... but you
know.. I can't stop all my sins until I've been completed by God.. once I am
translated into Christ's image.. *THEN* I shall be able to keep from sinning
at all times.  Until then.. I should expect that.. from time to time.. even
if I fight my hardest.. I'll still end up sinning.  But this sin doesn't
make me worthless.. just unworthy.  But.. as is the thing we all need to
focus on.. thanks to Jesus.. we who believe in Him *are* worthy.  We are
worthy by Jesus' Blood.. and shall remain so if we continue to listen to
Him.  This doesn't mean perfectly.. but it does mean..we need to continue to
listen and grow and get better with each passing day.  And if we take a few
steps backwards.. we dont' need to staple ourselves to a wall with a
nailgun.. rather.. we need to simply turn back and face God.. tell Him what
we did.. turn away.. and get going forward again :)  -- Notice.. when we
turn and face God.. we *will* turn away from sin :)
     Hopefully this little (little?  hahahah!) essay will help you see what
I am starting to see.. that we needn't be perfect to be worthwhile in God's
eyes.  That God loves us as we are.. and that though we are going to
displease Him.. He's not about to abandon us.  We simply need to listen and
return to Him.. so that He can wash us up and set us back on our feet :)